Jay-Z of the Sky and how it feels to fly like a bird!

    

Sky diving - feel free as a birdRecently, I flew. I don’t mean in a plane, I mean full-on soaring above the clouds and the mountains. Ok, so it was more like falling, rapidly at 200kph, 55.6 metres per second, for 45 oh-so- long seconds with Jerry my tandem, skydiving instructor strapped ridiculously close to me.

But for at least 40 seconds (I was in shock for the first five), I felt what it must be like to be a bird. The freedom of flying really felt exhilarating. In fact, my mum took me skydiving as a 21st present-her way of telling me that I’ve already conquered my greatest fear and she thinks anything is possible of me in this world. A card would’ve done mum, but the sentiment is still sweet.

12,000ft in the air, the world looked miniscule. Mountains were made to look like ant hills, entire fields momentarily shrunken to a checkerboard of green. This is what an eagle or Jay-Z must feel like all the time, either way I was ruler of the world for 45 whole seconds.

It’s easy to understand where birds get their god complex from; flying is empowering.  The reason they think it’s alright to waltz into a restaurant, stare at you while you’re eating your lunch in the park or why they think they can get closer to you than that one persistent sleaze at every party. It’s because they think, they own you. You know the ones. Pigeons.

And they’re not wrong. They know that we know that they’re disease-ridden and they embrace this power. This isn’t just me being dramatic either.  At the risk of sounding like the ad for movie piracy – you wouldn’t pet a rat. Why would you pet a pigeon? Pigeons are the rats of the sky.

Pigeons in flightAs intimidated as I am by the pigeons, they still haven’t figured out that when I run towards them, I’m not actually going to step on them. They’re not the brightest.  I suppose this is my way of apologizing in advance to all my friends for when I run after pigeons without warning. Because friends, if you let one pigeon know they’re welcome, they invite a whole brood. Their nests have an open invite to secondary pests and their droppings are so acidic, they’ll damage your car. Did I mention the potential salmonella they carry around?

So here’s my message to all pigeons of the world. You don’t scare me; please stay away from my home and my food and just my general vicinity.  If not, I know some pigeon hit-men who will come after you. That’s right. I conquer you. My mum said I could. Thanks mum.

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